At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
