At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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