If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
