Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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