ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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