Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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