I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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