If i come over, it means nothing
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
40s are totally the cure
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
