I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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