you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
