if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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