how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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