why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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