3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
