Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
