Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
