don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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