he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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