just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
