So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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