I want to walk on stilts...naked
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
