I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
