why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
