I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
