Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
