I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
