Just cropdusted the office
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
