Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
