You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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