What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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