My first STD was from a foam party
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize