I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
