New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What changed your mind?
Being sober
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
