Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
