What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
