How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drake has all the answers
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
