i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
