I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
