How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
from now on my penis is your penis
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize