I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
