The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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