I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
