Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
