hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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