I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
