Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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