Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He shit in the fireplace
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
