Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
