i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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