a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
