life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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