im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Buhtt sex?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
