im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He shit in the fireplace
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