You're my little dorito
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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