i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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