I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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