she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
