textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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