for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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