Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
