oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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