My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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