I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
