Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
