Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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