is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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