I showed him my bush... on skype.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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