there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
