Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
