Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
